Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
