**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I bet he comes in French.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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