Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
