just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
