He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
