i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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