Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
