I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
