Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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