I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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