On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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