I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
