Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
