Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
