the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
