the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
