yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I understand Curling. That high.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
