so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
