My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
