He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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