I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
