Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
