I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
