Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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