Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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