May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
