Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
