Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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