you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
