To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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