I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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