and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
