On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
