I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
