Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
