We named our party play list daddy issues
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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