Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize