i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
