I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
