The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
