so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
