that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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