It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
