what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
