The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
