You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
