Just cropdusted the office
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
