Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
