Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
