so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
